faith · healing · illness · kidney disease · life · stories · truth · writer · writing

The Facts on The big D

I’m sitting here on my chair in the dialysis center and it’s the last place I want to be, as usual. Next to me sits an older man, not very old but he sounds as I’d he’s at deaths door. It’s quite frustrating really. You tolerate it because we’ve all become sick here and we know the feeling. Not that it makes it better but it brings me back. This is the life of a dialysis patient. No one has a clear view of it, not the nurses, doctors, technicians or family members. We suffer this in a way no one would truly know. The cramps, the needles, the meds, the hours of sitting. A life of discomfort. Some assume that once you leave treatment you’re well and ready to go. Far from it. The exhaustion sets in and getting where you want to go or doing what you want to do becomes a burden on your being. I’ve been here an hour and a half. My time is minuscule in comparison to some, most actually and yet this treatment wears me down unbelievably. The drive home wears thin on me but I get home, still I can’t imagine how these elderly people do it. I look at them and my only clear thought is that I need a kidney. I can’t grow old doing this. Everyone assumes that you must be so strong to muster living your life yet deal with this at the same time. We do it not out of strength We do it out of necessity, some hope but mostly a lack of choice. It’s this or death. What would you choose? Kidney disease eats your body, we fight for those we love but mostly we just want to live. We fight for the possibility of getting out of the tunnel. We reach for the light so many people take for granted on a daily basis. We walk that extra mile. That is what dialysis is to the person on it. Not to say we don’t have wonderful moments, we do. I have quite the normal life. I have love, wonderful children, a warm place to lay my head at night. Through all of this I am blessed. And so, I continue because life and love is a great gift I will never take for granted. My mind is always aware to my blessings. If you have someone with this illness in your life learn it. The more you know the more your loved one can see the light. Knowledge is power.

8 thoughts on “The Facts on The big D

  1. you have such an amazing outlook despite everything you have been through! Your so dang inspiring!!!! keep it up and i pray things get better for you and you begin to feel more comfortable rather than stuck in discomfort 🙂

  2. Thank you for this Ellie. I am writing about my own vision for $100 Dialysis (www.100dialysis.wordpress.com) and wanted to find more about what it means to people to be on dialysis. Your’s is such a touching yet, ultimately, uplifting post I would like to refer to it (I think that is called trackback..I am new to this blogging thing) in my own blog sometime soon. I hope that is OK? Bless you. May you receive that new kidney soon. John

  3. Thanks for the reminder that everyday is a gift. We tend to focus on complaining so much about things that don’t really matter or can be changed.
    This is inspiring.

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