Posted in blogging, faith, fear, healing, honesty, hope, illness, kidney disease, life, truth, writer, writing

Thoughts….

The rain keeps falling and I guess it’s a good a day as any to get the pen moving or in this case the fingers typing. Another dialysis day is here. I’m never quite ready for these days. I start to think about those needles, all the side effects of the process and I can’t help but feel distraught. With all the things that go wrong in life on a daily basis it is the one thing i regret the most. I don’t indulge in why me’s very often and I won’t do it today either. It’s not a me thing, many people are on dialysis so if I ask why me I’d have to ask why them? So, instead of asking why anything I will simply do what I must and accept what is, for now. Nothing lasts forever.
The rain just makes me thoughtful is all. I sit by the window and look at the beauty of it all. The rain comes down in sheets and seems to cover the world. When I was young I thought, depending on the skies that God was either crying for us, in cloudy dark days or taking a shower on rainy days with the sun shinning. Being a child is a beautiful thing.
Now I sit by the window and just marvel at how the skies roar as if angry and burst open to shower us with sheets of life giving water. It’s a gift what they give us. What God allows. I would have this rain fall in Africa they would not take it for granted. The children would be dancing in it praising the gift. Thanking the creator. We hide in our houses and complain for lack of sun. We have things to do to make our lives more complicated. There is too much work in sitting still and enjoying life’s growth. The trees and flowers beg to be looked at and we pass them by on our way to argue with the boss or tell someone else what to do. It is in the human condition to take gifts for granted I guess. I can’t say that I haven’t. I think I’m more receptive on dialysis days because I to am being given the gift of life no matter how painful. I am still blessed to have the chance to be here among the people I love. Any day the light switch might be turned off and not only through this illness the truth is that we all owe a death. We just don’t know the pay day.
If this were my last day I would borrow all the money I could and fly my family to Florence. Die in the midst of Michelangelo with a glass of wine and some mozzarella. Make a picture my family would not forget. Put flowers in my hair and dance around the Trevi fountain. What a day that would be! Still I hope to have many years and I hope to do those things without the fear of it being my last day.
The rain keeps falling. I keep day dreaming of pretty things enjoying the music of the pounding water drops.
Life, right now, in this silence. Is good.

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Author:

I am a writer. My genre is poetry,although I also write short musings of life circumstances. I am a semi fashionista and an all world investigator. I observe the world and people around me intensely. A mom of 3 by nature and 4 by osmosis. I am a girlfriend a daughter a sister and most of all a fantabulous woman. Welcome to Blooville!! Enjoy the words cause the life is crazy!!

14 thoughts on “Thoughts….

  1. You have a beautiful blog and from your picture I can see you and Michelangelo. One day at a time gets us through. I am sorry about the dialysis. I am disabled. May your days be filled with love from friends and family and from inside from The Beloved.

  2. i started reading and u brought me to a private meaningful place els….everytime the rain falls here i remember the love i lost, rain has a romantic side, rain can be beautiful, you reminded me of her. i lost her…but still love her… after the rain comes sunshine…i guess i make myself believe she might love me again..i hope you find sunshine after your rain. you are a beautiful writer, you write from the heart and readers will FEEL your word and see what you were thinking and also see how it fits into their lives……..great writing does that…..i love when you write from Inspiration.

    1. That’s a beautiful sentiment. I know what you mean, we have all lost love at one time or another. It’s a hard thing love. I’m glad you enjoyed the piece 🙂

  3. Ellie, this is a beautiful though sad post. I’m sorry you have to go through this pain but at the same time I admire your bravery and stoic stance. Hang in there my friend. I’ve been thinking about you that I don’t hear form you these days or read anything from you. Had no idea you were not well. Do take care of yourself, Ellie. Shalom!

    1. You are too kind. Thank you for your lovely words and sentiments. I will be writing more, it is one of those things that keeps us writers kicking so I look forward to exchanging many more words with you my friend. Shalom 🙂

  4. You didn’t say from what country you are coinmg from. There are set standards and education needs in the U.S. to become/hired as a dialysis nurse. If the agency looking for you isn’t in the Medical field you just might not make the time limit of your visa, Don’t depend on this agency as the only way to get a job and come into the U.S.. You’re going to have to look alot on your own for resources. There are alot of jobs in different cities and hospitals in the U.S..you have to meet their requirements.

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