Many of you who know me or have read my blog know that I have been on dialysis for about six years now. But if you also know me well you know I have never once felt sorry for myself or have fallen into pity party mode. There are too many sick people, especially children that have not really even lived for me to be complaining about being on dialysis. I am strong and able, this is just a moment in time for me and I will surpass it. I have many ways of keeping hope alive. I always say I know God and he knows me and when he wants me there is nothing that will stop it so every extra day is blessing. I don’t intend to waste it.
As far as everything goes I am now tissue typing with my brother to see if we are a good match. My older brother has decided to go under the knife for me! I am beyond amazed at his selflessness and I know I would do the same for him were the roles reversed. Every test completed is a new step forward on the transplant road. A new step toward a normal life. I take every step in gratitude. I have made many changes of late because I want to live an organized and simple life. I am all about order and organizing and planning . I love anything that makes my life easier. I love functional yet beautiful things. As a writer who loves her craft I adore fabulous planbooks to write in and make my plans for the day. It puts everything into perspective for me and in a much clearer light. I am learning a great deal on this road. Things that I hope to pay forward once my journey is done. For now I will do the best I can with what I have been given and although I’d rather not be on this road I am mighty grateful to be here at all. No matter where I may have to walk on this road the point for me is that I’m still walking and that my friends is a blessing.
I have been a mother for what seem like most of my life. My three, now grown children were the essence of what I did and where I went for now twenty seven years of my life and I would not trade it for the world. Seeing them grow has been my privilege and blessing. Being a parent gives you a new perspective on life and all its trials give you strength you never thought you might possess. Still life comes with changes and my greatest change has arrived, an empty nest! That trial that all mothers and fathers eventually go through after spending half their lives raising children. It isn’t easy trust me I’m sure there are many parent out there that have no idea what to do with themselves after their children have gone.
I was one of those parents. I was stuck in the role of being a mom and being there for my children was all I did. That’s what moms do and we don’t regret it one bit. I am very proud of all of my children and I am honored to have devoted my time to them, that’s why I had them. Still the time has come for me to write a better story for myself. It’s time to dream of a future of my own. There are still many blessings to look forward to. You, We still have a life to live. one that hopefully has many years left. As a woman I find we need a sisterhood of women to help us do this. A place to develop all the other talents we may have hidden or placed on the back burner to attend our loved ones. A group of like minded individuals to push us forward in our new adventure. We need mentors and a process by which to navigate and go to our destiny. This is your time!
What’s your story? What do you want for you? What is your dream?
Now, Go. Find it. Do it. Be it! I am with you.
I’m sitting here wondering just that. Why do I blog? Why bother when most of the time no one even reads it. Many times you feel like you’re talking to yourself and no one else is listening. It really makes you wonder why you even set aside the time to write. Then I ask myself why do you blog Ellie? Is it about ego and how many people read it or simply about you and what you want to say?
After a long while in deep thought I decided that I blog to keep my mind clear. I blog to reach that one person going through whatever I am going through,who has no one to talk to and to give them a little hope but most of all I blog for me. As a life blogger it’s a record of what matters to me. A record of my unique experience. I like to see my thoughts on screen or paper laid out bare. I am the queen of self expression and if I didn’t write I would not be happy and that is why I blog. The right person will always read it.
A decorated page of you
How do you make a journal of your life
Living artfully is my plan
Years, months of yesterday’s
That’s the artists way
A new journal. Beginning…
When I first picked up this book by Blatty the author of The Exorcist I thought it was the book version of the movie by the same name. Imagine my surprise when I realized it was realtes to the afore mentioned book. This book I read in about three days, it was fantastic. If you were to pick it up I assure you that you would not regret it, if you’re a horror fan that is. You will love all of the most surprising twists and turns of this novel. It is quite the ride.
How many women out there have been involved with a man or woman who just doesn’t seem to know how to let go? I am certain that there are plenty out there. So what made me think of this today? Well i think it’s more about my own life than the life of others and the fact that after 20 years of dealing with someone in my life I am 1000% ready to call it a day. To the person involved it never seems as if it’s them with the issue as a matter of fact to the individual it’s seldomly about you but about loosing control. Well, I am no one to be controlled, I never was and so I have cut the unbreakable cord and am much happier for it.
I have noticed that some people only want to be in your life to the capacity they WANT TO BE IN IT. If you decide they must now take another roll they fight it as you would a virus in your body for change seems an infectious infraction upon their very being.
Change as it is must be taken as an ELIXER against STAGNATION. We can not remain toating the flag, running the course and budding our heads against the well built wall like a reckless ram in order to keep things as we’d have it.
EMBRAVING change, not only embracing it keeps us viable and pushes us toward a growth we must take to become well rounded people.
It may be frightening in fact I know it is but cut the shit already, do what you have to do and keep it moving after all do you really want to look back twenty or thirty years at countless wasted moments? Live, let go, breathe….
RELAX… RELATE…. RELEASE… You and the ones you’re short changing in your life, those who want you 100% will be happier for it.