I am 48 and I sill wonder what love is. I have some ideas of what love is but at times I still wonder and I think its because every time I think I have it figured out I get knocked on my ass as God laughs and waves a preverbal finger my way saying “That’s not it”, you my dear have much yet to learn. And I know I do. I am a lover but I have a fair amount of fighter in me as well. I want to know things when I want to know them and I want to know them for sure. Love can’t be researched though, its the language of the heart and we are all just trying to figure it out in our own way. I know love is kind, patient, trusting and all that good stuff or at least its supposed to be that way. I am loving and I try to be kind although my patience sucks ass most of the time. This I know and have been told by several people. Still aside from those things, what is love to you?
To me it’s being there for the ones you claim to love.
Being honest even when you think it will hurt.
Trusting and keeping your word.
.Being faithful if it’s a relationship and treating the person as you yourself want to be treated. Of all of the other things I think this is what love is the most because if you treat others as you’d like to be treated yourself everything else falls into place.
What do you call love?
There is a very big difference between changing for someone and making a change for yourself. Growth and improvement are a personal choice. It tells you that you are currently unhappy with something in or about you. Change for the mere desire to please someone else I find never ends well. I have done this in the past and have never really benefited from the results.
The first thing most people try to alter in themselves is either physical or mental. You try to change what you believe in order to make someone feel as if their opinions on certain issues are better or more accurate than yours, therefore making you more pleasing to them in their minds eye. You agree with their points in all discuss so that they feel you they have made a good choice in you. You might also alter your hair or choice in clothes because they’ve told you what they like and you want them to like you better for it. I’ve had such tendencies in the past when I was much younger and the worst part was that I recognized it even then for what it was. I figured if I look how you like and agree with your views then in turn you will like me. I would be the right choice for you and inspire you to love and accept me despite any cost to me. Hiding myself beneath blankets of falsehood in order to have your approval. It took me many years to discover that these things are not only ridiculous but impossible.
Reconstructing yourself into some type of character for the benefit of another is not only the most difficult thing you can do but the most foolish because masks fall. Your pretense may last you a little while, you may even have the other person completely fooled for a while. You may also be able to convince yourself that you are happy with your new makeover but the truth is masks fall and usually they fall hard. Its often not understood that pretending to be something for someone else only works when you’re with that person. For a moment you might feel complete in it but you are who you are and eventually you can not hide it. You must be yourself and you are not for everybody.
This is why I find change for the sake of pleasing another so confusing and inconceivable. Isn’t it much better to just be yourself and find someone who enhances who you are? Why go through all of the aggravation of trying to be someone you’re not? Something you’re not for someone who might end up being temporary in your life anyway because if you’re pretending it is certain to be temporary. When things last its because they began with truth and the fact that you are certain in who you are. Let that shine so that your aura might then attract that one person who will appreciate and enjoy that shine. That is your essence and who you are is a miracle. Be that.
What can I say about dating on line but my experience. I have been on a few dating sites and have had some success with it including a long term relationship of over six years. A very good man but as you know it takes time to know someone and once you develop a relationship things can change. You start learning the person you’re with and exploring what you can live with and what you can’t . We both had things we could not compromise so it was best to move on. For me that’s what a relationship really is, figuring out what you’re willing to accept and what you’re not.
Is the connection and love strong enough to side step the hurdles that come along? Because they do come and sometimes fast and furiously so, do you want to jump or fall flat on your face? It’s always your choice. But I digress.
Every time I have filled a profile online I am very direct. I express what I desire in a man and how I am myself. I post current pictures and answer all my messages even if I am not interested. Respectfully. Of course you get your lechers and those who want pictures they have no business having and I nicely delete and block the trolls so it’s all good. Some people online you must realize are just there for a quick good time and I’m not the one. A real and long lasting relationship is my goal.
Relationships are work! Big, long and rigorous work. You have to really want to explore and do the job with intent in order to achieve any type of success. I was married for 16 years and all of it was work. You must find joy in it and the willingness to accept your one as they are for it to last. When you first begin you must put all of your cards on the table and be willing to deal with rejection if that’s not what they’re willing to accept. I dated a man with so many broken cards and jagged scars that I knew it wouldn’t work but I dated him anyway.
After it was over I asked myself why? Why would I date a man so broken? Did I intend to try and heal his wounds? Maybe. I have made that mistake many times though I know better. Every situation I learn something new so I let go much faster than I would have in the past. I am proud of that. I gained reason with time and now think much clearer when making decisions on what’s right for me.
It is not your job to fix people. So if you find yourself doing that, let go.
Don’t waste time trying to make a person see things your way because most of the time they don’t want to. We are creatures of habit.
If you know that you have massive issues yourself, fix those first. Don’t travel to your new relationship with old baggage.
When you know somethings wrong look at it, talk about it, analize it even but don’t turn a blind eye to it because it will repeat itself until you pay attention to it and resolve it.
You are stronger than you look or feel so yes, you can do it. Your main question will be are you willing to accept unhappiness enough not to be on your own.
I’m willing to be on my own. I’m willing to wait for the one who I can love enough to accept him whole heartedly. So that’s where I stand.
I’m not waiting for Prince Charming just the prince made for me.