I have always journaled. For over 45 years now that I think on it. I began at about 15 years old and I’m currently 51 so. It has always been a passion for me. I have had a long love affair with the paper and the pen. It is my form of meditation and it is deeply embedded in my soul. I don’t feel whole if I have not written each day. I’ve had countless journals and my life is written down in many forms. I don’t only write. I paint, collage and draw as well. Whatever catches my eye, mind or heart ends up between the pages eventually. Here are a few of my current journals.
It’s our first full day on the train and what can I say but that its an adventure already. We are all so exiting and all talk at once about how great it is when we get together. I love my little bunk and I spend at least an hour a day just contemplating the view outside my little window. It’s absolutely gorgeous here and I wish I could have brought you along. We made a stop at Khabarovsk station today and got to look around a little.The station is huge! There were people smoking like crazy the smoke smelled diffrent and I kind of wanted to try it but I didn’t. Aicia was dying to smoke too, she is not one to be teased with nicotene. At the end she decided against it. I think if she had given in I would have too, once you’ve been a smoker all of the familiar feelings come back when you smell one. Anyhow, I have to get to the business of writing now but I will send you pics. Love you!
This trip so far has taught me to devote time to what’s important which for me in this case is self discovery. Solitude has surprised me. How much I enjoy just asking myself questions and answering them without all of the noise that might surround me on a regular day. I have learned that when I devote time to me and to my writing we both become richer and more full of life. We develop like an old polaroid picture, a little clearer and brighter. The clouds of the imagination part and we see the sun shinning a light on what it is we really need or want to say.
What is itthat makes me creative and gives me the ability to create?
That will be my focus today. I’m ready. Not nervous, just ready.
Changes are something that seems to come weather you want it or not. Sometimes you see it coming, the necessity of it loud and clear.
The time has come for change.
It can be any type of change for anything and still take you by surprise and be completely unexpected yet somehow you know. You know when something is not working and when it needs to change, when you need to change.
- How do you take those first difficult steps to make effective and lasting change?
- What gives you the strength and purpose to move forward. You must be brave, I find.
You must be willing to do what you must without fear of how it will affect anyone else or their situation. I am not speaking of cruelty here or of not caring about people in general. I am speaking of doing what’s right for you. What makes you happy and leads you toward the purpose you find you are here for. Those are the greatest questions one must ask.
What makes you happy? Why are you here and what is your purpose. What do you want to get out of this life?
These questions have been plaguing me as of late. Breaking my concentration every time I find myself in a situation I know I don’t want to be in or doing something I don’t want to do. That’s where the knowing begins to surface and grow like a weed in your psyche. Making you unhappy. A symptom of being in a situation you don’t want to be in. A flashlight if you will on what you need to change. Those are poignant moments of clarity and we need to listen clearly and openly because they’re doors to we need to go through, roads we need to follow. Breadcrumbs in the forest of our destiny.
Lately I have been reading a lot about getting myself and my writing together, specifically my life and my blog. Both seem to be at a standstill lately. For some reason after the loss of my job I can’t seem to get it together. I love to write and get my thoughts across so I never understand why I slack off or procrastinate about doing the things I actually love. I love poetry and I so enjoy writing it. As for regular writing such as this blog, I really enjoy that too. I mean I have a few hobbies I am completely obsessed with like my art journal, my happy planning and my regular journal writing so I never get it when I begin to ebb with the things I love to do so much. I am still trying to figure it out mostly because I don’t realize I’m sabotaging myself until it’s well under way. It’s like a slithering snake this procrastination thing.
You know when you’re working all the time and curse the fact that you never have enough time to do what you really love to do?
Well, when I was working I was always frustrated about that fact. I always told myself that if I ever had the time I would write and journal all day. I would spend my whole day being creative. What baloney. I have been jobless for close to two months and I can’t seem to motivate myself to do any of what I always bitched about before. I sit tired from doing nothing yet unable to build the enthusiasm to do what I always spoke of. I wonder if I have some form of delay maybe it’s the “maybe later” disease that everyone acquires when they believe they now have all the time in the world. I’ve heard of people becoming depressed over life circumstances and not even knowing it or feeling what are regarded as symptoms of it. I don’t know really. I do know that I am certainly not where I would like to be in my life now. I also know I have to find my way out and into action all by myself. No one can fix you. As Buddha teaches: You must be your own salvation.
I am beginning with this blog and by writing lists of no more than five things to do at a time as to not overwhelm the senses. I figure this way the necessity to procrastinate will perhaps slightly diminish. I am hoping so anyways. I am putting my money on slow and steady. After all isn’t that what they say wins the race?
I haven’t been writing regularly as I should be. I have to confess I have been slipping. Ever since I lost my job I have had bigger worries plaguing me. The reasons for which I lost my job will perhaps come forth in an upcoming blog but today is not the day. The wounds are still too new. I do need to get back here though, not only because of my love for the art of words but because it’s a form of therapy to the soul. Writing makes me happy, it seems to make the problems minimal and the worries disappear. I am grateful to have the feel for the word as so many people I know in these blogs and out of them, I know all types of wonderful writers. Sometimes I don’t know what to write about mostly because I don’t know what individuals want to read about. How interested is anyone about another persons life. This is one of the questions I ask myself most when writing. Is my life and it’s daily occurrences of any interest to anyone else but me or those directly involved? That is a question I obviously can’t answer for myself I just write my truth and let the chips fall where they may. I am here to speak. I come to the screen with a thought in my head and go from there. I am by no means a regular blogger I am a poet who thinks in verse but we all love expression in all of it’s artistic forms so here we are. May we all be well read.
Over the last two weeks my life has changed quite a bit. Good things and not so good things have happened and I am trying to flow with life’s waves and jump its hurdles with dignity and strength. The fact is that we all go through issues on a daily basis that we tell no one about. We bob and weave with our problems working hard to avoid the worst. I am one of these. I refuse to run around singing my woes to the world. I much rather buckle down and work through the drama and let karma do the rest.
So now I have a new journey to begin and much to think about. What I need to get there and how are the most prominent of those thoughts. I think on it daily and sometime soon it will come to me I’m sure. I am working hard on being positive and controlling my bitch mode because I have a bad one and if I set her free heads will roll so that is a focus as well. The motto must be this too shall pass. Maintaining control is the answer here and not letting anything sway you from getting to where you need to be. I know that some day soon I will be giving thanks for the lessons issues bring. Not yet, but soon.