Posted in blogging, change, dialysis, empowerment, faith, fear, healing, health, illness, kidney disease, learning, life, love, transplant, truth, Uncategorized, writer, writing

The kidney is just the beginning: On the transplant Road

      

                 The last time I blogged I was still on dialysis twice a week two and a half hours a treatment. After six and a half years I was pretty much used to what my life was and how it was working out. Treatment didn’t bother me as much anymore and the pain was almost non existent or maybe I was just used to it. 

BUT THEN…

Just as I was all used to it on September 3, 2016 I received the call that has changed my whole existence. I got a kidney! My transplant happened when I least expected it. With a heart full of prayers for loved ones and friends I went to Saint barnabas medical center for my gift. On September 4 I had a new battery and ready to begin a new life with no more issues. But can you say hold up? 

Yes, we have no idea at least I had no idea that the transplant is just the beginning of the road. Not the end. The real work began after the blessing. 

Let’s talk about recovery shall we? 

I have been transplanted about three months now and currently in the hospital in a state I don’t even live in. I came to visit my mom for the holidays and my creatinine got too high so here I am admitted and awaiting. However I digress, I am still mighty blessed! Every day. 

When you first get a transplant you need your meds every twelve hours. The amount of pills vary from 20 to 30 Pills a day depending on how your organ is settling. See this organ was never yours. It’s a gift so you need anti rejection medications so you won’t loose it. You must work to keep it. This is why I say the work begins after the blessing. Along with medication comes recovery from a long suture on your belly. I had 20 some odd staples holding me together. Its difficult to walk but as the days go by you begin to feel better, more alive and healthier. My hair grew inches and my nails that never grew began to grow. My skin glowed and I became, though still recovering a new person. 

It is a difficult period in my life but full of miracles as well. I am getting there. Trust that I will. 

Getting used to the meds and the doctor twice a week in the beginning takes some getting used to. 

Blood work and urinalysis every week

Stint removal and fear of any little twinge on your access site wears on you but then you think about all of those years on dialysis and you’re mighty blessed and grateful despite side effects or anything else that comes along the most important thing to remember is that someone who died gave you life! 

This is a path. It has been my destiny thus far. I am on a road after all and I never forget that every road has hurdles and bumps and some even have mountains to arrive at the other side. This is my road and although sometimes it’s difficult and a trial I am fully faithful that God gave me this kidney and road for a reason. With his help, guidance and blessing I have my new battery and I’m ready to walk! 

Stay blessed and grateful! 

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Posted in author, blogging, change, daily do's, dialysis, empowerment, faith, fear, friendship, healing, health, honesty, hope, illness, kidney disease, learning, life, love, plannerperfect, planning, recovery, stories, transplant, truth, writer, writing

Organizing my Life…On the transplant road

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          Many of you who know me or have read my blog know that I have been on dialysis for about six years now. But if you also know me well you know I have never once felt sorry for myself or have fallen into pity party mode. There are too many sick people, especially children that have not really even lived for me to be complaining about being on dialysis. I am strong and able, this is just a moment in time for me and I will surpass it. I have many ways of keeping hope alive. I always say I know God and he knows me and when he wants me there is nothing that will stop it so every extra day is  blessing. I don’t intend to waste it.

As far as everything goes I am now tissue typing with my brother to see if we are a good match. My older brother has decided to go under the knife for me! I am beyond amazed at his selflessness and I know I would do the same for him were the roles reversed. Every test completed is a new step forward on the transplant road. A new step toward a normal life. I take every step in gratitude. I have made many changes of late because I want to live an organized and simple life. I am all about order and organizing and planning . I love anything that makes my life easier. I love functional yet beautiful things. As a writer who loves her craft I adore fabulous planbooks to write in and make my plans for the day. It puts everything into perspective for me and in a much clearer light.  I am learning a great deal on this road. Things that I hope to pay forward once my journey is done. For now I will do the best I can with what I have been given and although I’d rather not be on this road I am mighty grateful to be here at all. No matter where I may have to walk on this road the point for me is that I’m still walking and that my friends is a blessing.

Posted in blogging, empowerment, faith, friendship, healing, hope, life, motherhood, plannerperfect, Uncategorized

The Method to Our Madness

Have you ever found something that impacts you to a level that you just need to share it with the world? Something so beautiful and inspiring that it simply makes your creative spirit soar?
Everyone knows I am a writer and poet and love more than anything to be organized and plan what I want to do with my life, how to do it and to dream of the future. Eight months ago I came across Planner Perfect by Jenny Lind Penton. A method of planning that has changed my life. I had used other ways of planning all my life but I never found something that suited me as her method does. Jenny has found a way to help you organize  not only your life but to include your dreams in your plans. She has taught me and countless women to write a better story. There is no better feeling for an artist than to be able to dream. To see your inspiration and aspirations on paper and be able to make a plan of action to develop them and bring them to life. For me that has to be the best part of the method. However I would be remiss if I did not tell you that what caught my eye first was the beauty and quality of Jenny’s plan books. There is nothing that I can say which would do justice to her level of craftsmanship. Her art is magnificent and so beautiful. You just have to see it for yourself to believe it. She blends beauty with functionality and brings forth a product of excellent quality. If you are a planner and want to find a new way to further your dreams, this is it. Take my word for it for I don’t give it lightly. The Planner Perfect Method is a whole new and excellent way to plan and I have never been more exited about my dreams and future.

Posted in blogging, empowerment, faith, friendship, healing, honesty, hope, stories, truth, writer, writing

The Neighborly thing to Do?

What is so difficult about being a good neighbor? It seems that no matter where I live or stay there is always some neighborly dispute going on. Whether it’s an apartment, house or trailer there is always almost a guarantee of some drama poppin off. It doesn’t matter where you’re from or where you live. Rich or poor the only difference is that one has money for lawyers. I remember when I was a child and how few the disputes were then. People respected one another, when there was an issue they talked it out. As I get older I see the respect waining to a drastic state. No one cares for their fellow neighbor anymore and any dispute is often just a reason to call the police. Some are not only uncaring but flat out disrespectful of the people living beneath, above or to the side of them. What happened to teaching your children not to run inside the home. What happened to keeping the volume to a respectable level as to not disturb others because they pay rent and deserve the same respect they show you? What happened to common ground and treating others as you expect to be treated? It seems all of this has gone the way of the dodo.

These days you’re most likely to get a big fuck you from someone rather than an apology, even when they’re wrong. We are sinking into the inhumane mire with a smile on our faces and believing ourselves right, along with it. We refuse to see our own downfall or the example we are setting with our degradation. Our young ones see us in this state and believe us. As the example they believe our actions are correct and follow suit. We say it takes a village but buy the matches to set the village ablaze. Yet we sit and wonder why the youth doesn’t respect their elders. Do you? Do you respect your fellow man and woman? We need to brew a global cup of coffee and wake the fuck up! Start teaching or better yet start doing it right so that those watching us can follow the correct suit. Not one we think looks right but one that is right. Respect.
Posted in blogging, empowerment, friendship, honesty, hope, life, love, stories, truth, writer, writing

A Series of Prompts…. Name one thing you have always been good at doing?

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There are things we are all good at. We all have a few things we excel at no matter how bad we think we are at things. Some of us are great speakers; some of us are great talkers. Some are great at managing things. We all have our niche.

I am good at helping others solve their problems. Somehow I have always been the person everyone else turns to when they have an issue they just can’t seem to figure out. It has been that way since I became a teenager.

My friends would come to me with boy or girl issues, even parent issues. They would sit with me and tell me their lives and secrets without my ever asking. All of their information would pour from them like water and somehow what I had to say always made them see things in a whole new light and gave them perspective.

This ability has followed me my whole life. My girlfriends turned into women who needed advice on the men in their lives. People I worked with suddenly felt the need to be open with me and tell me their life problems. Even employers have fallen into this category at one job or another. I sit and listen and let them know what I think and I think perhaps that’s the key, listening.

People need someone to listen, to really listen. I don’t mean sit there and give your opinion, but to sit there and hear them and what they have to say. I think that is one of the things really missing in this world between people, the ability to hear one another and be compassionate to the problems they’re facing. I am blessed to be able to do that and I think it’s because I have had so much experience with not being heard.

Those of us who have grown up in homes where children are meant to be seen and not heard and definitely not allowed to have opinions go one of two ways. They either become silent in the world or they learn to listen.

When they become the best listeners they can understand and see beyond to what the person is not saying. They learn to appreciate the words and their meaning. I think that’s what happened to me. That’s why I can sit and quietly take in everything someone has to tell me and respond with what I believe to be the best answer I have. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons I am a writer as well.

If you do something well, whatever it is, do it with love and compassion. Make it flower within you for the benefit of those around you.

Do it for them and do it for yourself.

Posted in author, blogging, empowerment, faith, fear, healing, honesty, hope, illness, kidney disease, life, love, stories, truth, writer, writing

A Series of Prompts….Write about your greatest Fear

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We all have fears. Some overpower us and make us into a mere shadow of who we are meant to be, what we are meant to do.

Before my fortieth birthday I would venture to say that my fears were minimal. There were few things I could honestly say I feared besides my children’s safety, their upkeep or raising them properly. I honestly think it is inherent in all of us to believe ourselves invincible.

That is why we find it so difficult to accept death or illness. God taught us to create life and so death seems unnatural although it is not.
Perhaps it is the fear of the unknown that shocks us most. Not knowing where you’re going can be a powerful catalyst for stopping you in your tracks and shaking your boots loose.

Still, fear has finally found me as it finds us all some time or other. It has found me in the form of kidney failure and dialysis treatments. It found me in the form of needing a transplant.

My fear is not getting the kidney I need to keep living. That I will have to continue existing plugged into a machine twice a week until my body gives out. That my life will not be all that I know it can be. This fear has in turn has caused a snowball effect as most fears do. Once we fear one thing we open the door to so many other fears. Now I fear not seeing my children getting married, not seeing graduations or grandchildren. Fear of this disease and what it does to my body has made less of me but not to the point where I have lost the woman I am underneath.

Fear can overpower us, yes it can, but only if we allow it. It can transform us into shadows but only if we dim our inner light and stop holding steadfast to our faith. It can change us but it doesn’t have to alter who we are.

I fall into my fear sometimes still but every day is less. Every day I remind myself that I am not the only ill person in the world. There are people out there suffering of terrible ailments worst than mine without the love and support I am blessed to have. I know that as bad as this may seem at times I am here for a reason.

I am alive for a purpose. I have been blessed.

So if you find yourself in fear remember all of those things we forget when fear grips us in its icy hold. You are still here. You are alive for a purpose. Fear does not have you unless you give it permission so hold fast to what you believe and turn up your light.

And if all else fails, come to me and I will help you remember that you too are blessed.

Posted in blogging, empowerment, faith, fear, healing, honesty, hope, illness, kidney disease, life, love, motherhood, stories, truth, writer, writing

A Series of Promts…… What is something you know now that you wish you knew earlier in life?

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This is a loaded question. There are so many things I wish I knew when I was 18 that had I known them my life would be unrecognizable even to me.

The greatest of those would have been slow down, nothing is that serious! You can cruise your life and do it right.

You don’t have to run.

Had I followed this knowledge perhaps I would have not committed half of the mistakes I committed in my life or at the very least I would have made different ones with better results.
I also wish I had known I had options in life. That I had better choices than the ones other people had for me. That I could be myself and my choices were mine to make. Had I known this I would have lived fuller and taken the world by storm much sooner.

I am still trying to take it though and that counts don’t it?

Still I would have explored the world.
Chosen many more adventures, seen many more sights.
Had I slowed down I would have waited to do many of the things I did way too soon like getting married at 18,having three children by the age of 29, or quitting college that I may have been a better, more educated parent for my children. Although I did the best I could and to this day I am quite proud of y sons and daughter. I still wish I had known that I could do better, for me.
Because I know that I could have been greater than I am now.
Still, I also know that everything happens for a reason. I know that I traded being a wiser mother for being a mother who was more open minded, virile and willing to learn from her children. As they grew I grew. I taught them and they taught me that I didn’t have to be perfect. That I was o.k. the way I was because I truly loved them.

I learned that I became a mom at just the right time because had I waited too long I would, because of my kidney disease not been able to be a mom at all and that would have hurt me more than any needle. So God had a plan after all and I am good with that.

So yes, I wish I had known a few things when I was younger but I guess that’s what youth is all about. Learning and becoming. I figure if we knew everything there would be no need to live and I intend to live with all my mistakes and success in tow.

All I can honestly tell you is to be proud of you. We have come this far and too many haven’t. Plus I am correcting one mistake this fall. I’m going back to college. And I won’t quit because this time my kids will be in the audience to see me.

I wouldn’t miss it for the world!