I am 48 and I sill wonder what love is. I have some ideas of what love is but at times I still wonder and I think its because every time I think I have it figured out I get knocked on my ass as God laughs and waves a preverbal finger my way saying “That’s not it”, you my dear have much yet to learn. And I know I do. I am a lover but I have a fair amount of fighter in me as well. I want to know things when I want to know them and I want to know them for sure. Love can’t be researched though, its the language of the heart and we are all just trying to figure it out in our own way. I know love is kind, patient, trusting and all that good stuff or at least its supposed to be that way. I am loving and I try to be kind although my patience sucks ass most of the time. This I know and have been told by several people. Still aside from those things, what is love to you?
To me it’s being there for the ones you claim to love.
Being honest even when you think it will hurt.
Trusting and keeping your word.
.Being faithful if it’s a relationship and treating the person as you yourself want to be treated. Of all of the other things I think this is what love is the most because if you treat others as you’d like to be treated yourself everything else falls into place.
What do you call love?
like the softest of winds
in the darkness unseen
smooth and sudden he became my sin
black velvet body
smile like a king
drawing me in
sugar and whipped cream solutions
for the disapproval of kin
command me to be well
as i worship his skin
a thousand touches
for the unquenchable thirst within
love given and returned
in the span of a head spin
out of control
before skin met skin
shall we begin
I have been a mother for what seem like most of my life. My three, now grown children were the essence of what I did and where I went for now twenty seven years of my life and I would not trade it for the world. Seeing them grow has been my privilege and blessing. Being a parent gives you a new perspective on life and all its trials give you strength you never thought you might possess. Still life comes with changes and my greatest change has arrived, an empty nest! That trial that all mothers and fathers eventually go through after spending half their lives raising children. It isn’t easy trust me I’m sure there are many parent out there that have no idea what to do with themselves after their children have gone.
I was one of those parents. I was stuck in the role of being a mom and being there for my children was all I did. That’s what moms do and we don’t regret it one bit. I am very proud of all of my children and I am honored to have devoted my time to them, that’s why I had them. Still the time has come for me to write a better story for myself. It’s time to dream of a future of my own. There are still many blessings to look forward to. You, We still have a life to live. one that hopefully has many years left. As a woman I find we need a sisterhood of women to help us do this. A place to develop all the other talents we may have hidden or placed on the back burner to attend our loved ones. A group of like minded individuals to push us forward in our new adventure. We need mentors and a process by which to navigate and go to our destiny. This is your time!
What’s your story? What do you want for you? What is your dream?
Now, Go. Find it. Do it. Be it! I am with you.
When I think of you
There are no butterflies
Instead there is a feeling of drunkenness that does not allow me
I hear no songs of love or feel no woozy feeling
Of everlasting enduring bliss
Although I do feel overwhelmed by you
When you look at me
Responding to a question I’ve asked you
Two hours before
When I look at you
There are no double visions
Faint feelings of fainting at seeing the love of my life
Or shit like that
That only lasts about a Minute when people think they’re in love
Because when they don’t see you
It’s out of sight out of mind
And you stick to mine like glue
It’s when I feel you or taste you
That shit becomes real for me cause you’re
In my blood like a stream
In a really long song that you think will never end
And you taste like when you eat the best fruit ever
And wish it will never end
And that’s why I know this love is real
I don’t know about you
Cause you’re the one who gets inside me every time
I just float beneath or above you
Knowing there’s something potent there like
A warm home cooked meal on a cold cold day
when you swear your fingers will fall off from lack of heat
and your feet want to compete
with the rest of your body
on who gets home first
out of need to be around you
thats some shit
this love thing
but I still wonder
People who want to change you don’t love you. They love something about you.
When I hear people discuss love you would think it’s the hardest thing in the world as if they were discussing nuclear war instead of love which when honest and true is the simplest thing in the world. Loving is accepting someone purely as they came into your life without reserve. In my opinion when you love someone truly there is nothing that person needs to do to make you love them because you already do.
That person doesn’t need to become or mold into any preconceived notions of who anyone else thinks they should be, they can just be. They can be honest, pure, true, them. When you fall in love with someone and they immediately have something they want you to change, they’re not in love with you they love something about you. Something is not all. If you have to assimilate you’re settling and will never be truly happy.
Think about it.
I have never been able to stay friends with an ex. I just never have seen the need or reason to. Some people are great at staying friends with people they’ve slept with and broken ties with at least the physical ones. I am not one of those people. I have never felt the need to continue a relationship with a man who has not worked out for me. After all there was a reason it didn’t work out.
To me, you’re an ex for a reason. I am not saying you’re a bad person because if you were completely bad we would have never had any kind of connection however for me, if we’re done we’re done. I wish you well but I also wish you to move on. There is no need to keep conversing with you about our past, what went wrong or what could have been. I have no need to be in your life or hear about your current possibilities with the new woman you’re with, but that’s just me. That is why I don’t understand these men or women who can’t seem to let go.
I see these people directly or indirectly following their ex’s on Facebook or twitter like prepubescent 12 year olds to find out what the ex is doing and who they’re doing it with. I see them altering their hashtags or statuses with hidden barbs toward the ex or even worst the new person in their life as if that new person had anything to do with the failure of their relationship. High school revisited.
I wonder if these ex’s ever stop to think that the new person has no idea nor cares about what happened with them? This new person is busy trying to make their own relationship work so let it go. I have never been one to harp on an ex, not even an ex husband much less an ex boyfriend. And I certainly am not going to blame the person they moved on with. What the hell do I have to do with them.
Still, I understand the feelings involved because I’ve been hurt and I am a woman. There are things that are hard to get over but I won’t be blaming anyone but the person I had the relationship with. I suggest making the right calculations before you call the other woman or man names or blame them for your failures. Place your anger and disdain where and on who it belongs or better yet cease and desist, move on and let it go. Grow up and move on.Nuff said.
It is so true that the people who come into our lives can change us. They can alter us in ways we don’t even see until they have been gone too long for us to remember.
Those who have loved us fitfully can alter us to be better lovers just as those who have hurt us can transform us into bitter souls who only remember pain. I wonder is it really up to us to allow someone to change us or do circumstances ingrained into our psyche transform us whether we like it or not?
I, as many of us have gone through a lot in my life. I have been hurt and disappointed by friends, family or lovers many times over and I would be lying if I did not acknowledge that those situations have altered me and the way I commune with people. I know they have.
I know that I am quick to put up a wall, to look into things where there might be nothing or to over think a situation until it resembles nothing near the facts.
I know that I am quick to react and cut people off if I even slightly smell an odor of untruth about them and boy am I good at it too!
I know that I can be quick to judge a person who’s hurt me in the past and even quicker at not trusting them again.
Still, I am also quick to love and despite my own instincts I am quick to trust until I am given a reason not to. I am quick to listen. I learn.
The most interesting thing for me is that I know what has changed me and actively work on the negative aspects of it. I often stand on the sidelines of myself and reflect on my reactions to what affects me and I try. I can’t say I catch them all even when I’m aware but I can say I try. I try to not allow other people’s actions to change who i am at my most basic.I try not to allow my previous experiences to stain my present or future negatively.
I try to stay true to me and to you. That’s a beginning.