If you are on the transplant road like I am the first thing you learn is that there will be hurdles to jump, plenty of hurdles. These hurdles will either make you run for cover or build you up to the point where nothing will break or tear down your resolve. I have been jumping hurdles since I first found out I needed dialysis in 2010. This post is bout my latest hurdle and I will need to jump big for this one.
As you all know I have been going through a battery of tests just to evaluate whether I am healthy enough to be on the transplant list to begin with. Most tests have been accomplished and I am happy to report, passed with flying colors. Well almost all. Last week I went for my first ever much dreaded mammogram. I know every woman is cringing at the word as I type and they have a perfect right to for it is an excruciating procedure. Lord in heaven it’s like being felt up by an enemy. The way they twist and smash and pull can only be described as a baker kneading dough but I did it. I was a champ for the cause but of course it never ends there. A few days later I was called to come back for as they put it, a second look. Can you smell the fear?
The call we all dread. Still I was told it’s routine because they have nothing to compare it to this being my first mammogram of all time so of course I go. This time certain areas are focused on, 3D scans are taken and even a sonogram is performed all during the same visit. Now I am nervous. Well as you might suspect by now something was found on my right breast. Two areas as of yesterday were biopsied and I am currently recovering at home. The biopsy was not so bad and I am currently awaiting my results which will be given to me on Monday. For some reason I am not afraid. Whatever will be will be and this is my hurdle. A new hurdle I will clear like all the others because that is my fate. I will survive in this life or the next. Fear has no place in me, it’s just not part of my makeup. As the hurdle gets closer I am preparing to jump and up is not such a bad place to go.
I have been given a title
And I’ll take it
I WILL WEAR IT
Like so many medals I have never obtained
I have walked in battlefields where men fear to tread
Stood against storms
Beat back fear and dread
I have survived
I am here.. still
Yes! I AM a mother fucking soldier
Giving my life over and over
For the ones who had no idea what they were receiving
I am that one who will be delivering
Treasures come no better than the willing
And they say Snapple is made from the best stuff on earth
The best are the lives I have born
The love I have freely given
The songs I have sung in battle
The heart I have refused to let die
The courage I display as I fight
For my right.. To love
You call me soldier
I call me WARRIOR
My battle is against one and all who bring fear
And my heart once week
Now riddled with battle scars still beats
Shellacked and bonded to breathe again
And I ALWAYS WIN!!