Posted in author, blogging, connection, create, emotions, empowerment, fear, feelings, healing, honesty, hope, life, love, lovers, loyalty, needs, passion, poet, poetry, Relationships, sex, stories, trust, truth, writer, writing

Wolf

 images-2
He’s offered it to me
His savagery
Blazed in the wolf
beneath the human mask
Howls of hunger
feed on my skin and bone
Blood and sweat on silken sheets of white
Desire is the master of fear
and it tests me
 it’s shadow coats me in dreams
Oh…yes
Traces of your tongue deep as you
Bite down on my offering
Oceans and waterfalls for your thirst
a carnivore
The first man
awakens me
In a piercing moment
I am fed
Posted in companionship, dating, dating online, diolog, emotions, faith, feelings, love, lovers, loyalty, needs, online relationships, opinion, Relationships, trust, truth

The science of dating online….

What can I say about dating on line but my experience. I have been on a few dating sites and have had some success with it including a long term relationship of over six years. A very good man but as you know it takes time to know someone and once you develop a relationship things can change. You start learning the person you’re with and exploring what you can live with and what you can’t . We both had things we could not compromise so it was best to move on. For me that’s what a relationship really is, figuring out what you’re willing to accept and what you’re not.

Is the connection and love strong enough to side step the hurdles that come along? Because they do come and sometimes fast and furiously so, do you want to jump or fall flat on your face? It’s always your choice. But I digress.

Every time I have filled a profile online I am very direct. I express what I desire in a man and how I am myself. I post current pictures and answer all my messages even if I am not interested. Respectfully. Of course you get your lechers and those who want pictures they have no business having and I nicely delete and block the trolls so it’s all good. Some people online you must realize are just there for a quick good time and I’m not the one. A real and long lasting relationship is my goal.

But….

Relationships are work! Big, long and rigorous work. You have to really want to explore and do the job with intent in order to achieve any type of success. I was married for 16 years and all of it was work. You must find joy in it and the willingness to accept your one as they are for it to last. When you first begin you must put all of your cards on the table and be willing to deal with rejection if that’s not what they’re willing to accept. I dated a man with so many broken cards and jagged scars that I knew it wouldn’t work but I dated him anyway.

After it was over I asked myself why? Why would I date a man so broken? Did I intend to try and heal his wounds? Maybe. I have made that mistake many times though I know better. Every situation I learn something new so I let go much faster than I would have in the past. I am proud of that. I gained reason with time and now think much clearer when making decisions on what’s right for me.

It is not your job to fix people. So if you find yourself doing that, let go.
Don’t waste time trying to make a person see things your way because most of the time they don’t want to. We are creatures of habit.
If you know that you have massive issues yourself, fix those first. Don’t travel to your new relationship with old baggage.
When you know somethings wrong look at it, talk about it, analize it even but don’t turn a blind eye to it because it will repeat itself until you pay attention to it and resolve it.
You are stronger than you look or feel so yes, you can do it. Your main question will be are you willing to accept unhappiness enough not to be on your own.
I’m willing to be on my own. I’m willing to wait for the one who I can love enough to accept him whole heartedly. So that’s where I stand.

I’m not waiting for Prince Charming just the prince made for me.

Posted in adventure, artist, author, blogging, change, community, create, empowerment, faith, Friends, friendship, healing, honesty, hope, learning, life, love, passion, poet, poetry, russia, train, transsiberianrailway, transsiberianwriters, travel, tripofalifetime, truth, writer, writing

Day 5: Transsiberian writing through Russia

Birdie,
It’s our first full day on the train and what can I say but that its an adventure already. We are all so exiting and all talk at once about how great it is when we get together. I love my little bunk and I spend at least an hour a day just contemplating the view outside my little window. It’s absolutely gorgeous here and I wish I could have brought you along. We made a stop at Khabarovsk station today and got to look around a little.The station is huge! There were people smoking like crazy the smoke smelled diffrent and I kind of wanted to try it but I didn’t. Aicia was dying to smoke too, she is not one to be teased with nicotene. At the end she decided against it. I think if she had given in I would have too, once you’ve been a smoker all of the familiar feelings come back when you smell one. Anyhow, I have to get to the business of writing now but I will send you pics. Love you!

 

This trip so far has taught me to devote time to what’s important which for me in this case is self discovery. Solitude has surprised me. How much I enjoy just asking myself questions and answering them without all of the noise that might surround me on a regular day. I have learned that when I devote time to me and to my writing we both become richer and more full of life. We develop like an old polaroid picture, a little clearer and brighter. The clouds of the imagination part and we see the sun shinning a light on what it is we really need or want to say.

What is itthat makes me creative and gives me the ability to create?
That will be my focus today. I’m ready. Not nervous, just ready.

Posted in writing

On the way to Vladivostok!

I am taking a 21 day writers challenge on the Trans Siberian railway with some fellow writers. We will be taking this train trip together and exploring our writing through it. Here I will document my trip in pictures and journal entries. I hope you can come with me even if youcan only come in spirit.

Day 1

Packing and the first letter to my daughter Birdie.